Memento mori, in art and spirituality, a symbolic trope or meditative practice that serves as a reminder of mortality and the transitory nature of earthly pleasures. Memento mori is a Latin phrase meaning “remember you must die.”

René Ostberg in ‘Encyclopedia Britannica’

Today we have a plan to go and do the ‘Croesor-Rhosydd Through Trip’ and we are already late setting off. It can’t really be helped though, Andy just drove here from Nuneaton way and, well me and Llur don’t seem to have the ability to exist as what might be classed as human before lunchtime. Because of all this we don’t actually get us all in my car with all the gear and heading out until around 5pm. Even though it is late in the afternoon it’s still mid summer and it has been really hot all day. At this point it’s still in the 30’s so it is absolutely toasty for the UK, and unusually hot for North Wales.

Isn’t it lovely outside you know what would be great? If we got our caving gear together and vanished into the dark heart of a mountain.

The Thoughts Inside My Head Apparently

Arriving at the carpark in Croesor, we start getting our kit out and making sure we have everything. The question is if we carry our gear up or just wear the stuff which I think is going to be super uncomfortable. It’s way to hot and the access to this caving route is on top of the mountain and I have a pretty good idea of how high. It is going to get sweaty even without being covered in full gear. Despite this Llur decides he wants to wear his and sweat to death, which I’m pretty sure is going to be horrendous for him, he does have the route plan though so he must know its a proper hike to get there. I have a rough idea of where this is as I’ve already explored quite far into what serves as the exit of this route which is Rhosyddd mine adit 9. At the time I had no idea how far into the mountain these mines actually go but I am apparently about to find out.

‘The Croesor-Rhosydd Through Trip is a classic North Wales underground trip. It is also the most rescued underground location in North Wales. This is due to a variety of reasons, the foremost of which are route-finding and underestimation of the time it takes to complete the trip. It is very common to get lost on this trip, especially on the Rhosydd side. Part of the reason for this is lack of clear survey or description’

https://checc.org/caving-around-the-uk/north-wales

I am Jack’s Sweaty Incline

As we follow the road from Croesor and up into the mountains it soon become clear that this is going to be a nasty little hike carrying this much gear. It is really hot and for anyone not from the UK we have a grim humid heat here not a dry heat which apparently makes it harder to cool down. Now imagine that but you are carrying some heavy wellies and caving gear (speology gear to you Americans reading). The satisfying clink of tons of caving gear rings in the air as we follow the road chatting away, before we start heading up a steep inclined pathway up into the mountains with a view of Cnicht to our left and the valley below. There’s barely a cloud in the sky and none of us are unfit but we do have to stop a few times and drink lots of water. I’m sweating like I’ve sprung a leak or something and one look at Llur confirms he’s now suffering from his choice to wear all his stuff.

After what seems like forever and all a sweaty mess we get close to the top of the incline and some of the buildings of Croesor Quarry appear, the first one being the wheelhouse for the gravity incline. Over a style and around the corner this is where our mine adventure begins. The entry to the mine is a dark metal portal in the rock just inside some buildings built of dry stone. While we start to kit up and do a final gear check, a cool gust comes flowing out of the depths of the mine, like the breath of some ancient creature waiting to swallow us whole. Llur points out there is a marking scratched on the the side of the entry with the date of 1563 and informs me that a lot of these mines were used by the landowners before they became full scale mines in the 1800/1900s. For perspective if this graffiti is indeed from 1563 that was the date of the worst Black Death epidemic in London of the 1600’s. While I’m anxiety triple checking my gear Andy and Llur have already stepped through the metal portal into the darkness, and to whatever awaits us down here. Right well guess I’m going in, goodbye daylight and safety.

I Am Jacks Abandoned Passageway

The first part of the route takes us through the old tunnels which are really wide and echo as we clump down them in our wellies, past a huge old circuit breaker and past a blue tinged pool of water. After much discussion over why the water in these old mines looks blue none of us really know. Later while writing this adventure up apparently this blue colour is due to the presence of a thing called ‘Loess’ or rock flour which is really finely powdered rock caused by glacial erosion and seen in glacier wate or in this case it would be rock dust from mining in mine water. This makes small pools of water appear milky in deep water magnifies the blue appearance of the water. I’m partly sharing that because I think it’s cool and partly sharing it because of my relief that it’s not just pools of chemicals left behind by mining though it could also be that. I’m not planning on falling in though just in case.

Next we follow a massive old pipe which I’m assuming was for removing water from the mine up an incline before we climb through some workings where ropes have been put in to pull yourself up. It’s already feeling quite adventurous. We are deep underground already and we have barely even started the route

I Am Jacks Shrivelled Testicles

We reach the first part of the route and we have the choice, the ‘extreme’ path which is little more than just a bunch of ropes going horizontally around the wall of the cavern as a traverse but about 30m above the floor. For obvious reasons reader, I’m not feeling this at first look. I can imagine loosing your footing on this would make your bowels empty.

The other option here is an abseil which isn’t much less terrifying, peering down into the darkness Ican only just see the bottom and my headtorch is like having the sun strapped to your head (2500lm). Right on cue an icy fear washes down my spine like someone like someone has thrown a glass of ice cubes down my neck. Compared to what I’ve done on my SRT training in a climbing centre in the daylight this is like going from 0-100 because it’s about 70 metres apparently which is …ooo only about the height of 12.7 standard UK houses.

Seeming barely worried Llur goes down first and vanishes into the darkness like it’s nothing. It seems it seems like forever before he finally touches down and lights up the bottom. Seeing the bottom properly just gives me an even worse perspective of how high this thing is. You ever have a moment you question your life choices? I don’t mean like you just ordered something spicy at a restaurant I mean figuratively I have ordered an adventure here that might be too spicy but I mean like in a “pretty sure I’m going to die here” kind of way questioning your life choices. Well this is it, the adventure is the currently the Trinidad scorpion pepper of spicy already and this is just the first bit.

Llur suggests Andy goes next and I think I must end up safety check him about three times, pulling him back from the edge when he absent minded-ley leaves too much slack in the rope, reminding him if he does step off he will probably catch himself but he will fall a little bit before he catches himself and it will shit him up. I think I’m more worried about my mate than myself which is a good thing, I’d rather not be sending him home in a carrier bag. After sorting his slack out this time he’s focussing more and stepping off the edge he slowly walks down and vanishes into the darkness of the mine. I breathe a sigh of relief when I get a call up from the bottom to say he’s down safe.

Well now it’s my turn and I have to say there’s some There is a deep primal fear here about lowering myself into what the horror writer H.P Lovecraft would have described as ‘stygian darkness’. With the guys gone down below I’m surrounded by the blackest darkness where even my headtorch won’t fully reach.

Stygian comes to us (by way of Latin stygius and Greek stygios) from Styx, the name of the principal river in Hades, the underworld of the dead in Greek mythology. This is the river over which Charon the boatman was said to ferry the spirits of the dead; the Greeks and Romans would place a coin in the mouth or hand of the deceased to serve as fare. It is also the river by which the gods swore their most binding oaths, according to the epics of Homer. English speakers have been using stygian to mean “of or relating to the river Styx” since the early 16th century. From there the meaning broadened to describe things that are as dark, dreary, and menacing as one might imagine Hades and the river Styx to be.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stygian

Doing my best to keep myself calm I try and concentrate on operating my Petzl stop instead of mentally detailing the contents of the will I may never get to write. I really do need to get round to that one of these days. Especially if I’m going to carry on like this all the time! Also not being overly dramatic here but you don’t want to fuck up making yourself safe and checking your caving kit before you start abseiling down. Some mistakes you only get to make once. I’m very aware that I’ve learned to do SRT two weeks ago on a caving course with my caving club in a climbing centre, it’s far different ‘in the field’ as they might say. My heartbeat pumps in my ears and I have to control my breath, I am panicking which isn’t good and I have to admit I’ve lost my nerve here. So much so that Llur ascends back up the rope which is no small feat, to give me a pep talk and check my gear. He checks my gear out tells me to calm down and follow the diagram on my Petzl stop and reminds me ‘just step back on the edge keep your legs wide and lower yourself down, walk down it’ I know this shit already but it does really help to hear it. However the moment I’m over the edge and I’m now alone, hanging high above the floor of the mine.

Just Hanging Out

I’m walking down the cliff edge here which isn’t too bad really until the point where the cliff wall leans right inwards meaning that suddenly I’m hanging in mid air. I’m just lowering myself through space in almost total darkness, trying to keep my breathing steady and keeping myself from panicking enough to freeze up. Andy shouts up from below that I’m nearly down, probably to boost my confidence but I know a fall even from a few metres is serious injury territory so I try and stay focussed and not rush. Now Andy says ‘that’s it you are there’ but I just keep lowering myself down until my whole body is lying on the floor of the cavern. Why would you do that you might be thinking, well some monkey part of my brain thinks it’ll be therapeutic at this point if every part of my body is touching the floor! Lying here looking like a total weirdo, the adrenaline is coursing through me still and because of this it takes me a minute to get my head together. When I finally start functioning again I detach myself from the rope and go walk over to my mate and give him a hug because I’m glad neither of us are dead. That and I haven’t felt this alive in ages either. Above us Llur starts abseiling down again and the scale of the thing I just came down gets highlighted further…his headlamp barely illuminates the rock face as he descends.

Let Me Shout In Your Cavern Of Whispers

We walk away from the bottom of the abseil and see that in this huge cavern there have been some huge rock falls. There are boulders everywhere and a lot of orange and grey, wet dust which quickly starts to cover our gear. This is the ‘Cavern Of Whispers’ due to a caver tradition of being as quiet as possible while walking through here, just in case it causes the ceiling to cave in or triggers any other sort of rock fall. There have been no reports of rock falls when cavers have been in here, but everyone keeps quiet usually you know ‘just in case’. Suddenly, Andy who has one volume announces loudly something about there having been a big rock fall. My response is like ‘dude, shush!’ seeing us all getting crushed to death in the most ironic way possible in my minds eye. I can’t stop quietly laughing though, the chap is never going to become a ninja. Oh and luckily the ceiling doesn’t cave in on us either.

Another Abseil

Safely making our way around we discover that this this area is huge, which doesn’t help as we are looking for a marker arrow in blue on one of the boulders to show us the way forward. It must take us at least an hour near the end of which we are discussing returning back up the abseil we came down if we don’t find the way forward, when to the relief of us all Llur finally spots the arrow and we progress onto the next chamber. The adrenaline fixes are far from over either as we hit another 15m abseil. This one goes down slippy rock at a really awkward angle, and me and Andy both slip on the rock a few times heading down.

I am jacks intrusive thoughts of drowning inside a mountain.

Reaching the bottom of this second abseil it’s only a short walk until we encounter a deep blue looking pool of water, crossed by a steel cable rope bridge to the other side of the cavern. Llur is happy at the sight of a steel cable because this means he can use his zip line stuff he’s been carrying for any opportunity to use. He sets himself up and happily wheels himself off into the darkness. From across the lake Llur calls out that ‘there’s a skull over here’. Me and Andy look at each other with a look that says ‘of course there is’.

I help Andy set up his cowtails so he can walk slowly across the line over the lake, when he touches down on the other side it’s my turn. It’s kind of like Zip world but if you fuck up there’s a pretty good chance nobody is going to save you. The water below looks bloody cold also so there is extra incentive not to balls up, plus I’m not seeing how if I do fall off the foot cable how exactly I get myself back onto this thing. I’m thinking this would result in me having to use the rope knife in my caving suit pocket to cut my cows tails, having a not so lovely drop into the water below and a swim to the other side, without my cow tails. This doesn’t happen though and I walk across carefully, stopping to occasionally look down into the deep blue water, and across to where my friends head torches shine in the darkness. When I get to the other side I see what Llur was talking about which is the route setters idea of a joke, a plastic skull. I’m disappointed it isn’t a proper one.

We keep going and now it’s across wooden mine cart beams crossing yet more deep water into pits I cant imagine you could easily get out of if you fell in. It makes me start thinking I should invest in a pulley like the one Llur and Andy used to haul my fat ass out of the last bit of the route, just a bit of peace of mind in future. You couldn’t climb up the sides here by the looks. Now we arrive at the next part of the route which proves to be interesting.

I Am Jacks Inconveniently Watery Underground Canoe: The ‘Chamber Of Horrors’

As the handily placed instructions say, there’s a canoe on a continuous pulley system, which we draw across, canoe appears out of the darkness like the ferryman across the river Styx and bumps into the bottom of the maybe ten metre high mini cliff we are stood on top. It also just so happens to be part flooded with murky grey water, which isn’t ideal. In my head I’m already calculating the danger of a dive off an underground cliff in full caving gear into…who knows what below the water? Luckily for me and Andy Llur used to have a job as a rope access guy so he quickly formulates a plan, abseils down to the canoe and with the random pot that’s apparently been left by other cavers to bail the canoe out sits himself in the most awkward looking angle hanging on the rope while he bails the boat out. When he has bailed it out enough he starts pulling himself across the deep black and foreboding looking manmade lake. It’s got to be either pretty full of junk or very very deep to be that black, but none of this seems to bother Llur who quickly vanishes into the darkness leaving me and Andy alone on the small cliff. I’, half expecting to see Gollum crawl off the ceiling and hitting us with riddles, it’s that sort of underground. After what sounds like forever he calls across to us in the darkness to let us know he has made it and his voice carries despite the distance.

Next I send Andy down and he does well, having had plenty of time to chill about all the abseiling, a quick safety check and off he goes. I’m still having a brain fart with my gear because of my anxiety but I realise I’ve just got myself in some kind of brain loop. The best way forward is simplify so I belay down on a climbing bug belay device with is my backup. I’ve used this so many times it’s practically muscle memory. Abseiling straight into the canoe below where Andy waits I can say at this very moment this is the weirdest adventure I have ever taken part in and ive done a lot of weird shit. You know what though getting into a canoe by abseiling feels way easier than just stepping in. And in a be careful what you wish for way, me and Andy have been joking for years about how epic it would be to abseil into a canoe and just paddle off casually. There’s no paddles but pulling ourselves across the man made lake inside a mountain is one of the most surreal things I’ve ever experienced in my life.

We make it across lake doom and pull into what is basically a big slippy looking slope with ropes coming off it that connects to other levels of the mine. The canoe bumps against this and the small cliff about maybe five metres high that is below the mine passageway out. Of course Llûr has already made his way up this unaided, and shouts down to us from above what to do. This tunnel leads to our eventual exit from the mine and is essentially the last hard part of this route. After I check his knot Andy heads up the cliff quickly almost like a spider I swear the dude really needs to get into climbing properly he must have hollow bones. On the other hand I really struggle getting up this getting half way up and falling a few times and I have to admit to the guys I can’t actually pull it off, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tired of my climbing skills really need working on again. Regardless of the reason it’s slowing us right down so from up above, Llûr shouts down that hes going to set up a pulley system. On the one hand I’m happy I wont end my days in this wet ass cave, on the other having my fat ass winched up a underground wall like a failed climber feels kinda shit. With them both winching me up i feel a bit of relief until they have to stop and I have to cow tail into the bolts while they sort something out. All sorted I clip back in and we start moving again and I can imagine how a fish feels when it’s being pulled out the ocean. I try and help by trying to climb while they pull and reward myself with getting my hand caught between the rock and rope when the rock pulls tight. Despite my knuckles being torn open against the rock I’m still so full of adrenaline I barely feel it, I just bleed. Coming over the edge and seeing my mates working a pulley system makes me very glad I have such good friends and that one of them is ex mountain rescue and rope access trained!

To escape we walk through lots of tunnels and up a steep low ceiling incline, crawl through a few holes before heading up some very steep slopes with fallen slate boulders that have edges sharp enough to cut paper. I’m carrying fabric stitches in my first aid kit but I don’t want to have to use them.

Eventually we reach a chamber where tram turntables sit, and have for almost 200 years, they make a haunting photo when Llur steps off them leaving a ‘ghost image’ that looks nothing like him. Finally we re emerge into the part of the mine I already know, this is adit 9 and it is our way out of the mountain through ankle deep water. After lot’s of plodding I almost don’t notice I’ve stepped outside but the summer heat hits me in the face. It’s midnight and the relief and having made it out is huge, I turn round to see the other guys grinning, and I am as well. That was pretty extreme to be fair. Only thing now is we have at least an hour walk back down the mountain to get back to the car, with our gear clinking, chatting about the adventure in the dark…..